Something Sweeter

Sometimes life gives us more than a lemon.  It dumps a bushel full right in our laps.  I went from relaxing in a pool, floating underneath a blanket of stars to an email from someone I thought had long ago disappeared.  That was interesting.  Then day two brought news that my son is now leaking proteins again.  It is not enough to qualify as a relapse, Praise God, but it is still leaking.  If his kidneys don't kick back into gear soon, and begin to spill even more, we will be staring the "R" word straight in the face.
All of this hit this morning. I am not one to cry or get overly worried right away.  I take in.  I take in. I take in...and then I break.  I broke. It took a lot to hide tears, and calm fears.  Needless to say, I spent a lot of time in the word today.
In the car I was listening to JJ Heller and her song 'Control' came on.  I realized then that the "lemons" were not what I was up against.  I was up against myself, and my strong-will.  I realized that God needs me to let go.  I trusted Him before (He has yet to fail me, by the way), and I can trust Him again.  I don't know how to tell you to "let go".  It isn't easy, and I don't quite have it figured it out myself.  I just know that whatever the outcome of these lemons, God has something much sweeter in mind for me.