I love to sit and think that when I wake up in the morning, I can go over my "To Do List", get my coffee and set out to mark those things off. It has taken me a while to learn that that list of mine has absolutely nothing to do with what I accomplish on any given day! That is SO the story of my life!
All I ever wanted to be when I "grew up" was a social worker. After high school I set out to become one. I even got a job working as an intern for the state while finishing up my degree. Then I broke. I couldn't take it anymore. All of the hurt in these people's lives, and the damage caused to them, by people who knew how to work the system broke me. I quit. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life at that point. I only knew what I didn't want to do. Ever again.
Fast forward a decade. God has moved my family and I to a different state. I have been a stay at home mom. I have my own business doing photography and digital imaging. I also homeschool our son, and do my best to be there every minute possible for our teenage daughter. Imagine my surprise when at church one morning, a table with some ladies asked me to pray for the youth at the juvenile detention center. Suddenly, my heart leaped from my chest. Quickly I grabbed that heart string, wrote my name on a piece of paper, promised to pray for the kids, and ran along my merry way. All while trying desperately to stuff my heart back into my chest. I quickly found that my heart didn't quite fit the way it did prior to passing that table. God was calling me, and despite my best efforts to ignore it, I knew what He was asking me to do. Excitement and fear gripped my insides, and I caved. I cried and I prayed and I begged that this is not what He is asking me to do. I had never realized the hurt that I carried with me for so long after working those years in Child Protective Services. I thought for sure, it left when I left the department. I was wrong.
It is so true what they say though. That God will never bring you to something without bringing you through it. I was studying the life of Paul and he had been beaten and left for dead. Then he got back up and went right back into the city to preach the gospel. A friend pointed that out to me, and I trusted that just as God gave Paul the strength to get up and carry on, He would give me strength as well.
I have dragged my feet, while submitting, (procrastinating) but I have filled out the paperwork, gotten the fingerprints done...I am on my way.
Somehow, I still felt I had some sort of control in this. Haha! God is so good at letting me think I am the one with the reins! He has had them all along. Despite my procrastination, He sped things up! He brought a girl into my life who had just been released from juvy. I met her first through e-mail. (The team has been praying for her.) She had accepted Christ and is making many changes to her life upon her release. I then met her in person, at church. Before I knew it, she was in my house and we were going over graphic design stuff, books and music. I couldn't believe it! All the time I spent fighting, and stalling, God worked it out anyway, and made it happen. Took me completely out of my comfort zone to a place, I never knew haunted me, and gave it life!
No, it wasn't a cake walk the entire day, but it was never awkward either. It was like we were meant to meet. Meant to help each other! A hole in my heart has been patched. By the only person who even knew it existed! God himself!
He definitely knows what He is doing! And yes, His timing is ALWAYS perfect!
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